


The Road

by hellionbaby (reketrebn)



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Aoi-centered, M/M, Pining, the Summer Calendar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 07:10:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7351018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reketrebn/pseuds/hellionbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Music. If nothing else, they will always have music together. Right? It's what binds them and melts them into one. Even if Aoi wasn't ever able to touch or claim Uruha; even if he wasn't allowed to breathe him in and devour, he will always be able to synchronize with him. And he knows that Uruha knows this at least too. That there isn't anyone else anymore who will know better how to do that, how to clash and burn together to the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Road

**Author's Note:**

> It's been too many years since I've written Aoiha but let's start again!
> 
> oh yeah, let's also give everything titles by Hurts bcs that band is all about Aoiha angst
> 
>  
> 
> thanks for beta goes to Nexus!

 

 

Years tick by and he's not getting younger.

And that's just it, isn't it? Why we do things in general. We feel like something is slipping through our fingers and we're desperately trying to catch it. Just like he's been trying to catch Uruha all these years. Fruitless efforts, all of them.

What is it though, that always goes wrong? And what is it that keeps pushing him forward and never lets him give up? Why is it that he's not able to give up?

It's the hope that the other man is still giving him every now and then. Aoi is never sure if it's friendship or platonic affection or.. just a game to Uruha. There are always these looks, glances or small touches. He's not entirely unconvinced that this is not just his imagination but there seems to always be this hidden layer of heat underneath all of Uruha's innocence. And sometimes it's driving him insane.

On stage, Aoi might appear as this overly confident dork that charms endless crowds, but off it he's still this a little awkward, loud bum who never grew up despite his age. It's layers and layers of armor for him, so no one would see the real vulnerable core inside. His bare soul that loves and wants to give it all to those around him. The one that has been in love with his bandmate for over a decade now and stubbornly doesn't want to give up, even if sometimes it hurts so much he's screaming inside his head for hours.

Music. If nothing else, they will always have music together. Right? It's what binds them and melts them into one. Even if Aoi wasn't ever able to touch or claim Uruha; even if he wasn't allowed to breathe him in and devour, he will always be able to synchronize with him. And he knows that Uruha knows this at least too. That there isn't anyone else anymore who will know better how to do that, how to clash and burn together to the end.

 

*

 

His heart sometimes erupts and bursts and then he kisses him. His fellow guitarist; his distant bright star. Aoi wants to explode with love and die happy in that moment, see that gorgeous smile and fade. It's gone too fast though and he's left with a hollow chest and short breath. But he keeps breathing anyway and jumps off the high and back to earth, drowns in the sound and keeps swimming forward.

 

*

 

"Happy birthday!" Everyone cheers and there are plastic cups raised, people are laughing and rain pours outside buckets of water over Germany. And no one really notices that Aoi stands a bit further from the rest of them, behind the birthday boy that everybody celebrates, and looks drained. It's the live, they are all dead tired and exhausted, his hand hurts. No one will notice even the way he drowns half his beer at once.

 

*

 

Aoi is so fucking tired his head feels like falling off soon. His right hand hurts like a bitch and he scolds himself for like a thousandth time since the EU tour leg started that he let that injury happen. This is just typical of him, idiotic moron and a failure of the century. Always being the one limping behind the others. Not talented enough, not pretty enough, not skilled enough even if he practices until his fingertips bleed.

Depression hits him hard and they haven't even landed back in Japan, where he can hide back in his apartment and pretend the world doesn't exist for a few days. He's too exhausted to even cry which is good, no need for others to see him crumble again. It already happened too many times as it is. And he wishes he could at least sleep, so it'd pause all this misery for a few hours, but he's too tired even for that and his chest is constricting with pain.

Suddenly there is a slender hand gently squeezing his arm and silent voice right next to his ear. Aoi wasn't aware Uruha is awake, because last time he checked he was fast asleep. It's the one thing he was counting on, he doesn't want to show even a speck of his misery to Uruha of all people.

"Are you alright?" It's the whispered question below the rumble of the plane, concerned eyes behind thick glasses and soft brown hair falling to his cheeks. It's honestly rare for Uruha to notice people and moods around him, he's always so aloof and oblivious to the reality he's in. Aoi finds himself dumbfounded for a moment and he doesn't know what to say. But he just cracks a weak smile and nods, Uruha is usually fooled by this, even when it's all fake just like now. But this time a small frown appears over the black frame of his glasses and the hand is not moving away from Aoi's shoulder, he can feel the warmth of it seeping through the material of his sweatshirt.

"Is your hand hurting too much?" Uruha asks him again and Aoi looks down at his right hand, you can see the swollen knuckles even through the bandage. To be honest, for a second he forgot it was actually hurting, because Uruha broke through the dark haze of sorrow that started to surround him.

"It is but it's okay. Don't worry." He lies without even thinking. Uruha hums an unconvinced sound and before Aoi realizes what's happening there is a hand underneath his bandaged one. Just resting there palm to palm in the gentlest way possible, soothing and giving him warmth. Aoi's heart stutters and even if he hadn’t still been crushing on the man beside him, the surprise would manage to make his heart clench anyway.

Aoi wants to say something, he really does but his full lips just open and he's silent like a fish. Uruha only smiles a little at him and closes his eyes again. He leans against the seat, as if he wasn't awake at all in the first place and all of this was a figment of Aoi's imagination. But the hand under his is real and the way its fingers curl a bit in between his too. So he leans back again and doesn't even dare to move his hand and before he knows it the exhaustion and the flight pressure put him to sleep in seconds.

When he wakes up in Japan, the hand is gone and Uruha too.

 


End file.
